7 человек, с которыми нам однажды придется расстаться

Люди уходят из нашей жизни, так уж она устроена. Мы теряем друзей, родных, а иногда и себя самого. Как с этим справиться, не утратив мужества и сострадания? Об этом — рассказ писателя Дэни Шапиро.

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7 человек, с которыми нам однажды придется расстаться
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7 человек, с которыми нам однажды придется расстаться

Что говорить, если вас попросили произнести тост?725141

Потери в нашей жизни неизбежны — весь вопрос в том, как мы сумеем пережить и осмыслить их. Вот несколько видов утрат, с которыми рано или поздно сталкивается любой из нас.

1. Друг, оказавшийся ненадежным

Каждый из нас это пережил хотя бы однажды, а кто-то и не раз. Друг, с которым мы могли смеяться или плакать вместе, работать бок о бок, и все же где-то в глубине души, чисто интуитивно, мы чувствовали, что он не всецело на нашей стороне.

Он мог быть очень хорошим человеком. Возможно, он не хотел причинять нам боль. И все же он это сделал.

Так было у нас с Хелен 15 лет назад. Как-то раз она зашла ко мне со знакомой, которую я видела впервые. И именно тогда у моего маленького сына случилась типичная детская истерика. Как ни странно, я ужасно обрадовалась. Дело в том, что в раннем детстве он тяжело болел, был буквально на волосок от смерти. У него не было сил на истерики, которые совершенно нормальны для маленького ребенка. И то, что истерика случилась, в моих глазах было свидетельством, что малыш идет на поправку. Он покраснел, завизжал, затопал ножками — живой, здоровый ребенок!

Я схватила его на руки и краем уха услышала шепот приятельницы Хелен: она спрашивала, сколько лет моему сыну. В зеркале я увидела, как Хелен, прошептав в ответ: «Два года», закатила глаза и покачала головой. Это было ужасно. Она судила и оценивала, не проявляя при этом ни малейшей эмпатии. Потом я ей высказала это, она извинялась, я приняла ее извинения… Но я знала, что к прежним отношениям возврата нет. Это был лишь один урок из череды многих, научивших меня выбирать, кого именно можно без опасений впускать в свою жизнь. Урок я усвоила.

2. Друг, которого мы не умели ценить

С Сарой мы встретились в колледже и сразу же подружились. Мне казалось, это дружба на всю жизнь. Но после колледжа наши дороги разошлись. Я отправилась в Нью-Йорк, чтобы строить карьеру. Сара уехала домой и намного раньше меня вышла замуж и стала матерью.

Шли годы, и казалось, что у нас оставалось все меньше общего. Я отдалялась от нее, перестала отвечать на звонки. Я была слишком молода, чтобы понять, что старые друзья — это те, кто могут напомнить нам о том, какими мы были когда-то. До меня тогда не доходило, что никакие наши успехи, никакой прогресс не отменяют близости с теми, кто помнит нас на старте и помогает увидеть, какой путь мы проделали. Я еще не знала, что в дружбе есть вещи поважнее, чем сходство жизненного пути. Одинаковый карьерный рост, жизнь по соседству, одна и та же школа, в которую ходят наши дети, — это не главное. Наша душевная связь с Сарой была намного важнее.

А я проворонила ее. Как же я об этом жалею!

3. Человек, которого мы не можем впустить в свою жизнь

Закройте на минуту глаза и представьте его. Незачем произносить его имя вслух. Возможно, вы замужем. Или он женат. Или вы оба несвободны. В своих фантазиях вы иногда рисуете себе, какой могла бы быть жизнь с ним. Однако в реальности не готовы разрушить ради него свое благополучие. Когда ваши взгляды встречаются, вы оба все понимаете.

Иногда вы думаете: что такого страшного, если мы позволим себе нечто большее? Но вы знаете ответ и держите дистанцию. Расстаньтесь с этой фантазией. Это долго не продлится. Теперь откройте глаза и подумайте о том, как вам повезло.

7 человек, с которыми нам однажды придется расстаться

4. Утрата, которой вы не ожидали

Как говорил Будда, жизнь — страдание. Любить — значит терять. Естественный порядок вещей таков, что мы теряем родителей, как правило, когда сами мы уже взрослые. Но не всегда это так. Я была совсем молодой, когда мой отец погиб в автокатастрофе. У меня не было шанса с ним попрощаться. И он не смог увидеть, как из трудного подростка я превратилась во вполне разумную женщину. Я знаю, он тревожился обо мне, и всегда это помню. Однако его смерть изменила меня, помогла мне выбрать правильный путь. Я жила так, чтобы он мог мной гордиться.

Эти внезапные потери, травмы остаются в нас, становятся частью нашего существа. Какой-нибудь звук или запах может мгновенно вернуть нас в тот страшный день. Наша уязвимость никуда не делась, и она так прекрасна, так человечна.

5. Утрата, которая все ближе и ближе

Когда умерла моя мама, я сама уже была матерью. Ее умирание было медленным, мы понимали, что к этому идет. Но это нисколько не облегчило потери. Это смерть, растянутая во времени, мы заранее ее предвидим и представляем себе жизнь без этого человека. Мы привыкаем жить с этой скорбью. Мы вынуждены жить, чувствуя себя беспомощными. Это та же самая уязвимость, прекрасная и человечная.

7 человек, с которыми нам однажды придется расстаться

6. Наш психотерапевт, учитель, гуру, в котором мы больше не нуждаемся

Бывают отношения, у которых есть «срок годности», или, по крайней мере, должен быть. У наших отношений с психотерапевтом (учителем, гуру) вполне конкретная задача — они должны помочь нам вырасти, и когда это произойдет, отношения должны прекратиться. В каких-то случаях эта тесная связь с человеком, который так много для нас сделал, может перерасти во что-то иное, например в дружбу. Отношения с терапевтом или учителем изначально неравные, новые отношения будут (если вообще будут) строиться уже на равенстве.

7. Человек, которым мы хотели быть

В детстве я мечтала стать актрисой. Я думала, что буду жить в Нью-Йорке, в небоскребе, с мужем и пятью, а может, и шестью детьми, что я не буду считать деньги. Может быть, у меня даже будет свой самолет. И вот я выросла. Я предпочитаю жить за городом. Я вышла замуж, но у меня только один ребенок. Мы с мужем много работаем, чтобы свести концы с концами.

Эту жизнь — насыщенную, несовершенную, сложную, приносящую мне удовлетворение — я выстроила сама. Мне она нравится. Но для того, чтобы ее выстроить, мне нужно было расстаться со своими фантазиями, почерпнутыми из глянцевых журналов. Отказаться от надуманных представлений о том, кто я.

Чтобы жить полной жизнью, нам придется утратить ту версию себя, которую мы себе нафантазировали, отбросить ее, потому что она нам больше не нужна. И заменить ее другой — нашей собственной.

Об авторе: Дэни Шапиро — писатель, сценарист, автор книг в жанре документальной прозы.

Поделитесь с нами своим мнением

Источник: psychologies.ru

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